How was it feel to be blamed for being ferociously trying to be the best version of you? What was your first biggest mistake you realised? What is my decision?
There was one time I perceived as an overly ambitious little girl, and constantly told by single person it was inappropriate and just too much. I should change myself. I need to stop being ambitious so that people will accept my existence, she said. I was in the middle of crossroads, the first choice was to just throw away her perception on me and choose myself instead, the second choice is to believe her and change myself, even if I need to hold my explosive spirit of striving the best possible way I can develop. What was my decision? That time I decide to hide myself. I fulfil myself with people's perception on me. "I am too ambitious, thus I have to stop showing what I can do well."-do as it said. For a few months after this foolish decision, I completely stop striving, I stop delivering my fullest effort for the sake of my own perceived self-investment. But I realised that I did a huge mistake. That time, I believed everything she said was right. I believed that I was toooo much. I believed I was wrong. I decided to hide myself. But it was so wrong. Why? Because in life, everyone has their own right and reason to strive being the best version of them. And also, no one ( whatever their position ) has right to stop it. Nobody can guarantee your life is right or wrong. Nobody can promise if you follow their words your life will be better. Sometimes it is true that we need to listen to people, but if your heart tells you it is wrong, or it stop you from being best of yourself, you don't need to do it. I have wasted months of my life to hide. To stop showing best version of me. Too afraid loosing more friends. Too afraid to show that I can. Too afraid to say I have right to be the best of me. Too fool to realise that it is impossible 100% people in this life will like the true of me. If I keep doing well, If I keep showing what I can do well, who knows what great path I will be that time? For several time, until know, I hope to go back. Even if someone try to tie my feet with their hurtful words, I want to keep walking. Because someday that tie will be broken, because I could be greater than I before. If only I didn't stop walking. Now I am thankful to her. Through her hurtful words I never forget until this day, I learn one big things that makes me who I am. Those hurtful words are only rope aimed to tie my feet. Like a wild grass, the more I listen to those words it will grow bigger and enormous, enough to not only tie my feet but also my hand, head, everything. The more I listen to those hurtful words, I burried my self deeper and deeper. Like a sprout who's going to be a big tree, I will grow if I decide to grow. I didn't talk much, I keep quiet and doesn't want to showcase things I can do well only because I am afraid of another more hurtful words intented to me. To keep listening those hurtful words, is extremely wrong decision. When people put stone on my feet and I decide to keep it, it made me stop walking. It made me stuck at same point and I didn't realize one terrible thing : after that person put stone on my feet, she continued her life ( while I am stuck at same point for deciding to stop walking), whether to put stone on someone else feet, or just continue her life. People who mean to be with you, will support, listen, and understand you. No excessive efforts deemed to be necessary only to ensure them that what you're doing is just you being yourself. People who put stone on your feet, will always try to put another stone again and again. The more you listen and choose to burry yourself, there will be more and more stone, someday the stone will be big and lot enough to burry your true self deep down. Cheer up yourself! Choose and do what makes you happy. Don't do the same mistakes I did before. Because you have your rights to strive for being best version of you.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Author says :
Archives
Categories
All
|